Dear Cancer,
Please stop fucking with my family. I'm tired of seeing you take the strongest members of my family and lay them low, eventually killing them.
I am on my path of self-discovery. I found my path that will lead to my fortuitous future, then you pop up and turn a happy time in my life to one of despair. You invade one person, but affect everyone around them. You cause nothing but hurt.
Go away, Cancer.
The thing I hate most about you is that I cannot fight you. I cannot go into my grandfather's or my father-in-law's body, beat the ever-loving shit out of you and make you leave. I can only watch as you deteriorate my loved ones. Only sit in my room and pray, damning you all the time.
I can't wait until I've seen the last of you.
Yours in vile hate,
Ella Mayo
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Money
Dear FAFSA,
I just wanted you to know that you shocked the hell out of me, and thank you for giving me money. For school, of course. If you were an actual person, I would love to have you over sometime so I could shower you with my adoration. Thank you. Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou SO MUCH.
Thankfully and adoringly yours,
Ella Mayo
I just wanted you to know that you shocked the hell out of me, and thank you for giving me money. For school, of course. If you were an actual person, I would love to have you over sometime so I could shower you with my adoration. Thank you. Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou SO MUCH.
Thankfully and adoringly yours,
Ella Mayo
Monday, March 21, 2011
Big Fucking Truck, ftw
Dear owner of the big fucking truck that hit me a year ago,
The most (only) considerate thing you did after hitting me with your truck when I was riding to work in the bike lane was asking me if I was alright. Other than that you were a great, big horse's ass! You didn't even bother getting off your cell phone to get out of the truck and check on me and my bike. Other than a sharp pain in my hip and a fucked-up real wheel, I was fine. I was picking up my cell phone from the street, ready to ride away. Then, you said it...
"Did you know you were going the wrong way?!"
I was pissed off, not willing to engage you, but you repeated yourself, making sure that I heard you. Finally, I whipped my head around and yelled back, "Did you know you're supposed to look BOTH WAYS before pulling onto the street?!"
You continued to curse and accuse as I rode away, internally whimpering from the pain in my hip.
Yes, in fact, I did know I was riding the wrong way down the bike lane. 1) I would have to cross the same road twice to get to work, since home and work are on the same side of the road. 2) I don't like the fact that riding the right way would put assholes like coming up from behind me, leaving me vulnerable to flying full beer bottles and prankster-passengers with open car doors.
Shortly, sir, I wanted to say that you were a big, burly guy in a huge, honking truck, and I was tee-tiny little female on a beach cruiser. Is that a concept you're inattentive mind can understand? You hurt me. So, I have to say this:
"STICK IT UP YOUR OBSCENELY, OVER-COMPENSATORY HUGE TAILPIPE!"
Completely sincerely,
Ella Mayo
The most (only) considerate thing you did after hitting me with your truck when I was riding to work in the bike lane was asking me if I was alright. Other than that you were a great, big horse's ass! You didn't even bother getting off your cell phone to get out of the truck and check on me and my bike. Other than a sharp pain in my hip and a fucked-up real wheel, I was fine. I was picking up my cell phone from the street, ready to ride away. Then, you said it...
"Did you know you were going the wrong way?!"
I was pissed off, not willing to engage you, but you repeated yourself, making sure that I heard you. Finally, I whipped my head around and yelled back, "Did you know you're supposed to look BOTH WAYS before pulling onto the street?!"
You continued to curse and accuse as I rode away, internally whimpering from the pain in my hip.
Yes, in fact, I did know I was riding the wrong way down the bike lane. 1) I would have to cross the same road twice to get to work, since home and work are on the same side of the road. 2) I don't like the fact that riding the right way would put assholes like coming up from behind me, leaving me vulnerable to flying full beer bottles and prankster-passengers with open car doors.
Shortly, sir, I wanted to say that you were a big, burly guy in a huge, honking truck, and I was tee-tiny little female on a beach cruiser. Is that a concept you're inattentive mind can understand? You hurt me. So, I have to say this:
"STICK IT UP YOUR OBSCENELY, OVER-COMPENSATORY HUGE TAILPIPE!"
Completely sincerely,
Ella Mayo
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